SONGWRITERS SINGING SONGS THEY WROTE VOL. 1
An out of work composer sees a sign in a fancy restaurant window that reads: “Pianist Wanted”. He goes in and asks to see the owner, who suggests he play something on the baby grand.
The proprietor can’t believe his ears as he listens to a breathtakingly beautiful song, played masterfully, & he exclaims: “That was wonderful!”
The composer beams & says: “I wrote it.” The owner asks: “What’s the name of that piece?” And the musician replies: “It’s called: ‘Fucking Your Asshole On The Kitchen Floor.’”
The restauranteur is taken aback, but asks his guest if he’ll play another number, & this one's even better than the first. Again, the owner responds enthusiastically.
“I wrote that one, too,” says the composer. “I call it: ‘Your Tits Are Juicy, & I Want To Bite Them.’”
The owner is so moved by the music that he has tears in his eyes, so he decides he doesn’t care what the songs are called. He hires the composer on the spot, on the condition that he does NOT share the song titles with his patrons. “The job pays $300 a night plus tips and, of course, you’ll have to wear a tuxedo.”
Thrilled to have employment, he agrees to the terms, but has to borrow a friend’s tux for the first night, & the pants are a little tight.
His debut goes splendidly, as the maestro plays original composition after original composition to the delight of the patrons, AND the proprietor. His tip jar is overflowing.
After a rather rigorous rendition, the owner of the restaurant notices the pianist’s trousers have torn. He runs over to the piano & says: “Do you know your pants are ripped, & your dick is hanging out?!”
And the pianist says: “Know it? I WROTE IT!”
Which is the actual title of today's share. I made fake cover art & supplied a fake title to the post, so I wouldn't telegraph the punchline of the joke.
Represented on Vol. 1 are Nashville greats Harlan Howard, Tom T. Hall, Mickey Newbury, Kris Kristofferson, & Willie Nelson. Country songwriters Townes Van Zandt, & Sonny Curtis provide their renditions of two of their most valuable copyrights. Cowboy Jack Clement was a Sun Records songwriter & producer who also recorded as an artist. Vol. 1 is the home of I Guess Things Happen That Way—a hit for Johnny Cash.
Some of the most successful rock songwriters are included, as well. P.F Sloan wrote Let Me Be for The Turtles, & Secret Agent Man for Johnny Rivers. Rivers was better-known for his cover versions of hits by other artists, so some folks may not realize he also wrote some great songs that include Poor Side Of Town, performed here backed by Marty Stuart & His Fabulous Superlatives. Chip Taylor wrote Angel Of The Morning, & Wild Thing, which he tears into with the help of Carrie Rodriguez & Buddy Miller.
Songwriters Tommy Boyce & Bobby Hart supplied several of The Monkees’ hits, and after their show was cancelled, they formed Dolenz, Jones, Boyce & Hart with ex-Monkees Mickey & Davy.
We all know Del Shannon wrote hit after hit for himself, but he also wrote Peter & Gordon’s I Go To Pieces. Gary Valentine was a member of Blondie, and contributed (I'm Always Touched by Your) Presence Dear to their repertoire. The Cretones’ main songwriter Mark Goldenberg had two songs covered by Linda Ronstadt, but his band failed to turn that big break into chart success.
I always loved Eric Clapton’s version of May You Never from Slowhand, but composer John Martyn’s is hard to beat. The lone Motown songwriting great on this collection is Barrett Strong performing a showstopping version of his I Heard It Through The Grapevine Live At The Bottom Line.
The ACTUAL artwork is included.
Response has been thin when I've requested that downloaders of what’s shared (in turn) share a music-related joke.
ReplyDeleteBut, I believe in you. Of course there’s the one above—but here’s another (shorter) quip.
Q: What do you call it when someone throws a banjo into a dumpster & hits an accordion?
A: Perfect pitch!
Here’s SONGWRITERS SINGING SONGS THEY WROTE VOL. 1
https://pixeldrain.com/u/awc4n5iA
Thank you Stinky, here is an old one.
ReplyDeleteA guy comes in that same bar and hears the piano player. He thinks he is truely great, never heared anything like it. After a few whiskys he goes to the piano player and ask if he does requests. Reluctantly the piano player says he can do requests, if he knows the song, that is. The man says the piano layer must know it, very famous song, you know it. It is called "That's What You Are" . The piano plays on anssays, no, don't know that song. The man walks to the bar, buys another drink, downs it in one, and goes back. Surely you know it, you're putting me on.... The pianist, without looking up, says "what was the title again".
The man repeats "That's What You Are, very famous song, everybody knows it, please play it. And again the pianist says he doesn't know such song. The man to the bar again, drinks another round, and by now he is in a bit of a state. He goes back, and asks again, now with temper in his voice. Ho ho, the bartender comes and intervenes. The man says that the pianist is putting him on, he refuses the request. The bartender asks the man, can you sing a few lines, maybe the pianist recognizes. And the man sings
Unforgetable, That's Wat You Are....
Hahahaha! Nice one, Richard. You're well on your way to a No-Prize! Thanks for commenting!
ReplyDeletePancho not Poncho por favor guys...
ReplyDeleteWhoopsie, Anonymous. Just a typo--rather than being due to me being an old white guy! :)
DeleteYou don't know a musician joke?
Cool Stinky didn't know a few of these like Grapevine or WT so a big THANKS! Loved yr joke too! Here is similar with swears: What's the difference between a seamstress and a violinist?
ReplyDeleteA seamstress tucks up the frills.
NOICE! Always good to see you here VCD, but Richard has the lead!
ReplyDeletewhat's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
ReplyDeleteI give up, Deadmandeadman. What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Deleteas a tubthumper myself:
ReplyDeleteSatan offers a tour of Hell...he stops by the first door
"you have to spend eternity in one of these rooms, but I'll let you choose." He opens the door and a thousand people are swimming in a pool of feces.
"umm, what else have you got?", his guest asks.
"OK, but they get worse", his host replies.
At the next door, steam rolls through the edges. Upon opening, a wave of heat blasts them and there appears through the steam a mile-deep pit of fire, ringed by people being pushed into the flames by the traditional red demons with pitchforks..
"There's one more," Satan intones.They reach the last door. "I must warn you of the horror you are about to endure."
"Well, I've come this far, what could be worse?' the guest shrugs.
The door opens on a conference room with assorted men and women seated around the table. A man at the head stands and asks, " so what size drumsticks do you all use?"
Similarly:
A visitor to Germany takes a stroll through a cemetery and starts to hear faint piano music, growing louder as he walks, until the melody becomes familiar...bum bum bum BUM. He walks further...bum bum bum. Further, louder...bum bum.
He sees a crypt with a light emanating from within. The gate is ajar and the music seems to come from down a stairwell. He bravely descends and at the bottom of the steps sees a man with a shaggy mane of white hair hunched over a piano in the candlelight. The man plays one note and grabs a page of staff paper, furiously erasing the music written on it.
"why, you're Ludwig von Beethoven!" the traveller exclaims. "What are you doing here?"
The great man looks up and says (in German, of course..."Decomposing"
Well done, my anonymous Tubthumper! Thanks for the jokes--I like them! :)
ReplyDelete